Maybe it’s just me stuck in the comparison game but I feel like we live in a world where we see a lot of people from all walks living these crazy successful lives. There are 7 year-olds making millions on You Tube and moms running million dollar businesses and a kid who claims he will retire a millionaire by 25. We have people whose first novel became a best seller and pastors planting mega churches and everything around us just looks so BIG and so well done. When that is what we surround ourselves with we may feel the subconscious pull to keep up. We may wonder what we are doing wrong, or tell ourselves “if they can do it you can too you have no excuses.”

But is that what you even want?

I have thought long and hard about what I want in life. I want to write books but do they need to be bestsellers? No. I currently do run my own business but I have intentionally kept it at 5 clients right now So I can enjoy the work I do and bring in some extra income but not be overwhelmed. I also don’t want my side business to become my life work, I knew that going into it. I would rather have more time to write my own words then have all my time filled writing for others. Would I love to be making more money? Yes but I am so content in our little condo right now, paying off debt and saving for a dream home. I am happy right where we are.

With that I am here to remind you and myself that it is okay to have small dreams. It’s okay to simply want to be a mom and not run your own side hustle. It’s okay if all you want is your little Etsy shop to bring in a couple hundred a month and you enjoy keeping a day job. It’s okay if your only one big dream is to have a family or write one book or live out a simple life loving your partner, your kids or your dogs or the land that sits in front of you. You’re not required to change the world. You’re not required to leave anything big behind. To live and to love well is enough. You aren’t required to be an influencer. You don’t need to make millions or be famous to have a good life.

Don’t forget that this is your life, your family, your platform, your space. You are the one that will ultimately choose to grow it or keep it where it’s at. Bigger is not always better. Bigger also doesn’t always mean more impactful. Rich people are not always happier. Being famous doesn’t necessarily mean you are more fulfilled. Because I have heard it from rock stars and authors and all sorts of people at the top, they are still just human. When the lights go out and the crowds are done cheering and they go home they are still just them. If you want to do big things then go for that and chase your dreams. If you are happy and content with a simple life and just being you then that is okay too.  If you want to bake bread or learn how to paint or redecorate someone’s home or sing, you can! You don’t have to be outstanding or amazing at any of these to do these things. We can dream small dreams and chase them and they are just as fulfilling as the “big” ones.  What makes a dream big or small anyway? Many times we base it on status, fame, or money but I think if we looked at how happy or fulfilled it makes you, then all dreams would be big ones anyway wouldn’t they? You are alive and living and what you choose to do with this life given is up to you. Make it a good one and don’t let the comparison game make you feel like your dream has to look like theirs.

 

It can be easy this first month of January to aim for perfection. It’s a fresh year with no mistakes in it yet and that can feel so inspiring. It pushes us towards setting these big resolutions that we feel like we have to keep perfectly. Then as soon as we miss a workout or have a cigarette or don’t read our 10 pages, we quit. We feel like somehow our goals has been “ruined” and we throw in the towel. This is very easy to do if you’re stuck inside a perfectionistic mindset. As  a recovering perfectionist I totally understand this. I even dealt with my own version of this last month with Blogmas. I had a rough week and missed a few posts and then felt like because the perfect streak was broken, for some reason I wasn’t allowed to jump back in. Not this year. This year I am stumbling towards my goals and my dreams with bare feet and no clear map just a general direction. I can often fall prey to thinking I need a perfect plan and to do list to get something done but then often times nothing gets done at all.

Here is a quiet reminder this morning that being perfect is not the goal, faithfulness is. And if you show up everyday no matter how imperfectly you will make progress towards the person you are trying to become, even if it’s a little slower. Showing up everyday with the heart to improve is better then only showing up when you can do things “perfectly”. Our lives do not allow for things to be perfect and that is why if you can find little ways to show up for yourself those will add up quickly. You may not be able to show up for your full workout but taking a 10 minute walk is better then not doing anything at all. You might not get to the three chapters you hoped to read but one page is better then nothing. Writing one sentences instead of your page is better then nothing written at all. We can often fall into a go-big-or-go-home mindset and feel like it’s all or nothing. That’s the trap.

This year I am embracing the saying that done is better then perfect. The crappy novel you actually finish writing is better then your “perfect” novel that never even gets outlined. Loading the dishwasher, even when you can’t deep clean the kitchen like you wanted, is better then not cleaning anything.

That’s why I have decided to make my word for this year “Messy”. I know that sounds kind of ridiculous and not super inspiring but it is to me.  I based it off the poem by Shanti

“And at the end of the day, your feet should be dirty, your hair messy and your eyes sparkling.”

Living a full life never looks “neat”. Living a big wonderful life can’t be kept perfectly planned or tidy or without surprises. Being out there and doing things means my hair might get a little messy and my feet might get a little dirty but that is what happens to make your eyes sparkle with being alive. I have begun to think that you can’t have both. You either get a completely pulled together life or you go out there and actually live. What’s the big deal about everything being perfect anyway? So I have decided that that is how I am going to walk this year. It’s not easy and it’s not my default but I think it’s what I need to truly move forward.

So here is to letting you know that showing up everyday for yourself, no matter how messy, is a lot better then trying to keep a perfect streak going. Know where you want to go. figure out systems to get there and give yourself grace as you stumble towards it.

 

Tonight I’m reminding myself that’s it’s okay.

It’s okay to feel small and like you have nothing to say. Tonight I am just overwhelmed by everything I am not and everything I can’t do and I am staring at the reality of my limitations as a human.

I am butter and I can only cover so much of the bread before you’ll start to see through me. And I’m feeling see-through. And how do you feel okay with the parts you can’t cover? How do you know the line between doing enough and needing to push yourself? When it feels like so much is broken how do you know where to start? And how are you supposed to be okay with only being able to fix your tiniest part?

This isn’t really Christmas related per se but I can’t help think of the baby that came down to a world just as broken as this. The baby who grew up and taught and healed and loved people and who ultimately died for them all. Even Jesus didn’t heal everyone while he was here, why do I feel like I can? Why do I beat myself when I am reminded I can’t?

I am not sure what my problem is but I am sure from experience this ache to fix everything has a lot more to do with doubting my worth then with loving people. That sounds bad to say but I have felt love, the kind that burns inside and can’t sit down or sit still but there is yet a steady peace about it.

Its not like this wild animal, desperate clawing in your chest feeling like I have tonight. No, my burning heart tonight is a complicated mix but that’s okay.

And really I felt I had nothing to say today. I’ve been feeling a lot of things this past week and I just want you to know if you’re feeling hard things too, that it’s okay. We can sit together and feel small in it all. We are going to be okay.