Over on Instagram I shared about how I choose a word for the year. I have been doing this every year for the last seven years and it’s been a game changer for me. Resolutions and goals for me have always been about the things or projects I want to accomplish, while my word for the year is more of an intention on how to BE in the new year more than what to DO.

This year I went through my process of choosing a word and landed on the word Savor.

That may seem like an odd word to pick but it captures everything my hearts been longing for lately. To slow down, really take things in, to remember, to enjoy, to not be so rushed I didn’t even taste the meal I just inhaled in the car on my way to work.

I want to slow down long enough to see the beauty again in the world around me. I want to make memories that are vivid and full. I want to be fully present wherever I am instead of always trying to hustle onto the next thing. I want to feel the pain and grief instead of drowning in it a Netflix show.

I thought it was a good word but I have also found that it’s not an easy thing for me.

When I think of savor, the first image that comes to my mind is savoring food.

To savor your meal means taking smaller bites.
It means you have to allow more time for eating.
It means you are enjoying your meal so much you don’t want it to end.
It means focusing on the very thing you’re eating and not thinking about dessert the whole time.
It means everything is chewed well and tasted and fully.

And I didn’t realize when I set out to do more Savoring this year that it comes at a cost.

Slowing down requires intentionally making more time. Saying “No” to many things and maybe letting some things go I would normally be strict about. I was surprised that it was uncomfortable for me to watch a sunrise in silence instead of knocking out a few business tasks or scrolling my phone.

When did I become like this?

I remember the awe I had for the world as a kid. The cozy rainy days I would just curl up reading for hours. All the early mornings I would sit outside and just watch the sunset and drink tea and smell the morning air thinking about how great it was that it was a brand new day and imagining the best.

I wasn’t worried about growth or being “perfect” or what other people thought. I wasn’t sharing every moment of my life, I was just living it.

I miss that.

And this word ‘Savor’ is a theme that I think will help me get back to that a little.








Do you pick a word for the year?
I’d love to hear what yours is in the comments!

Self Care and rest are hot topics as of late and yet I still feel so much frantic energy inside me.

I was reading through old journal entries recently and I came across one where I said:

“I want to do big things so I don’t have to do anything”

I went on to write out an honest venting entry where I was confessing that to me the goal of “making it” or having more money, would actually translate to more freedom. I wrote that I didn’t want have to work so much. I wanted to make it big as a writer, so I could wake up slow, enjoy a drink in the morning, go on long walks, sit outside for hours and write out all the stories that flow through my head. Basically, so I could rest and not feel so rushed all the time.

It was written back when I was working in marketing, on salary, and didn’t really have any time for myself. I was gone 13 hours or more some days and felt like my weeks were a blur of work and commuting and the weekends were cleaning and friends and there was no time for me to even breathe.

I made a career switch in 2019 and now work at a chiropractor’s office and write content for a handful of small businesses on the side. I also recently became a brand partner with Young Living and help people find natural non-toxic solutions for problems in their everyday life. I LOVE where I am now. Less stressed, slower pace, and doing work that I love.

In spite of that, I still find that I can often be caught up in this frantic rush. Always cleaning, writing content, getting the next blog post out for someone. I have been thinking about it a lot and after many long conversations with David I realized some things.

1. Productive doesn’t have to be frantic. I heard a story on a podcast one time about a cyclist who was training and always trying to go as fast as he could to beat his time. He decided one day to just take his time and enjoy the scenery on his ride instead of worrying about his time. He was talking about how much more he enjoyed the ride when he was able to look around and actually take in the beautiful ride he did everyday. When he checked his time it ended up only taking him 3 minutes longer. 3 mins is all it cost to to slow down and take in everything and have a much more enjoyable ride.

2. A lot of my stress is self-induced. I have a tendency to feel like everything has to be “done” before I can stop. Like I have to push myself to a certain point before I am allowed to take a break. But rest is not something earned, it’s something we need regardless. Kind of like sleep. We must go to bed and let a new day begin regardless of how today went. Sleep. Rest. That’s just how it is. In an attempt to be “disciplined” I have often felt discipline meant not stopping and in trying to push myself, I have more then once pushed myself over the edge.

I want this life to be one I remember. One that’s an enjoyable ride not just a blur of to-dos and trying to beat the clock and errands and stressed out crying sessions. I can still be productive and be PRESENT in what I am currently doing not always trying to leap into the next thing. I can get things done well and intentionally and live this life I have, knowing my worth doesn’t come from what I got done today.

I also realized I need better boundaries with myself. I need to be a good friend/parent to my inner self and make myself stop sometimes. Just like moms schedule nap times for their kids because they know they need them, I need to do that for me. I think for this season that’s going to look like scheduled rest each day for myself and strict boundaries with myself on not being productive on the weekends.

When I read that journal entry about wanting long walks and slow mornings and time to write I realized: I don’t have to wait for that. If my heart is longing for rest and time to write I don’t have to push and work until I’m dead or “make it” before I can do that. I realized reading that post that all I was really longing for was true rest. Rest can happen now and if that is all my little heart wants from “making it big” why not just give that to myself now? I can schedule in slow mornings now I can go for walks now and I can write as much as I want right now.

What is your heart craving? What is that one thing you are waiting on. Is it something you can give to yourself now? I’d love to hear from you in the comments.

Today I sat out in the sun outside our little condo and soaked in the sunshine and breathed calm for the first time in a long time. My heart has been so wound up and frazzled for so long about all kinds of things. The biggest thing for us has been wishing for a house. David and I have talked about how we long for our own home where there isn’t a neighbor next to or above us and how I’d love a yard and flowers and a place to root down, stay and where we could get whatever kind of dog we wanted. The housing market here in Colorado is straight-up BANANAS. We had a meeting with our realtor on Tuesday and in spite of great credit, good jobs, and paying down a lot of debt since we got married we still have a long way to go before owning our dream home. She was honest with us and let us know that to get a decent home you have to come in aggressively and you have to be ready to lose out a lot and keep trying. She told us honestly the kind of money we would need to have saved and ready to go to have a chance. The market is so competitive right now you have to be able to basically “sweeten the deal” for the seller in attempts for them to pick your offer, and still be ready to lose out on a home you really want.

It was a reality check that we have a way to go and that even in a few years, it’s going to be a tough market. It’s hard for me to imagine getting my heart set on a place, loving it enough to offer ALL this money, and then finding out you don’t get it. It’s also been easy for me to get caught up in comparison. Feeling like we are behind somehow. Like we need a house and need to start a family and instead, we are here. It’s been frustrating to realize our ideal dream of being able to afford a big beautiful house right off the bat that we would stay in forever isn’t going to be an option. I have basically realized we can’t have it all. If we stay in this location that we love we are sacrificing on size and will most likely have to settle on a town home or condo and move our way up. If we want the size and a big beautiful house we will be moving further away from family and friends and will be more on the eastern outskirts of Colorado.

Essentially, this journey towards buying a house isn’t going to be as simple or as easy as we thought.

But when have the good things in life ever been easy?

And I started spiraling a little bit into discouragement and cynicism which seem to be my defense mechanism when the future is unknown. Then I felt a nudge at my heart asking how had I already forgotten that THIS PLACE where we are living right now is such a gift? Not even a year ago we pulled over at a park because I was bawling and drowning in discouragement after we had just left the 25th apartment and still couldn’t find one we agreed on and that was in our budget. I remember feeling like we would NEVER find a place.

Then this condo we live in now came across our path. It literally checked ALL our boxes, even the unimportant ones like living near big trees and walking paths and having a pool. I realized I have been so focused on the next thing that not even a year has passed and I have forgotten how lucky we are to be living here. I have forgotten to give thanks for all the space here and the great price and our awesome landlord and how quiet it is here and the trees. I really do love it here and feel so blessed by our current home for so many reasons. Which I guess is good because we’ve talked that we will be here for at least two more years.

I think this has also been a process for me to learn how life is always “both and”. We can be thankful and relish in the joy of our current home while still looking forward to a future home where we can raise our babies and plant a garden. There is space inside my heart for both feelings, it doesn’t need to be one or the other. I am also learning patience and learning how waiting doesn’t have to equal being miserable. We may be in a season of waiting for our future home but that doesn’t mean we aren’t growing and learning and without joy HERE.

Even harder to swallow is realizing God cares a whole lot more about my heart and who I am becoming than He does about making my circumstances easier. I have also realized I am not very good at trusting. I would rather have a five-year plan than a promise and I find it easier to trust in my own efforts and plans than in the mysterious work of God.

But today, today I sit in the sun and breathe, and let it go. I know trusting will be a process for me. I know holding space for both hope and gratitude inside my heart will take practice but I also know that I don’t want to waste one minute of this beautiful life I have been given worrying about things I can’t control.

If you’re in a similar season, know you’re not alone. I am right here with you, friend. What things have helped you during seasons of waiting? I’d love to hear from you in the comments.